Jokes thread

Kim Kardashian's baby will be the second thing that her vagina has given birth to.

The first was her career.
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Ladies, check out this really cool trick that will make you very popular with the guys.

Take your upper lip and make it touch your lower lip.

Now keep them like that.
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Scorpions are nature's way of saying "Fuck you. I'm gonna combine lobsters, spiders, wasps and nightmares."
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I had a quiet New Year's Eve. Nothing to drink, TV switched off by 8.00pm, then bed with a long sex session to end the night.

I fucking hate prison.
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The New Year reminds me of my relationship with my girlfriend.

I'm 20, she's 13.
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I found my son hanging in his bedroom this morning.

There was a note on his bed which read, "I can't take the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down and managed to revive him.

As he lay in my arms and slowly opened his eyes, I said, "That's not how you spell 'criticism'."
 
If women were labelled "heroes" instead of "sluts" for sleeping around so much, men would be having a lot more sex.

Someone fucked up here...
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The Dark Knight Rises.

Pretty much every time he sees Catwoman.
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If you're drinking more than a few energy drinks a day, it's time to man the fuck up and switch to cocaine.
 
My love is like a candle.

Because if you forget about me I will burn your fucking house to the ground.
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The satellite North Korea launched a couple of weeks ago is unstable, and could collide with several American and British satellites.

Or as North Korea calls it, the whole fucking point.
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"Anal bleaching".

Because some assholes need to lighten up.
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With all these protests going on in India over the gang rape death, who's manning the phones?
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To the lady in front of me.

It's a speed bump, not a fucking landmine.
 
BlackDragon37 said:
With all these protests going on in India over the gang rape death, who's manning the phones?
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Click to expand...

^THIS......There are times on the ol inter-webz where we TYPE "lol". But very seldom do we literally laugh out loud. That made me literally laugh out loud. And considering the shitty ass fuckin day Ive been having......I really needed that.

Thanx my british friend who I firmly believe to be a white boy and definetly NOT black!! Because straight up most black british people.....they aint fuckin funny. But U funny!!
 
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