Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

Everybody complains about Japanese tourists taking pictures and recording everything. Which should be expected when their flag's a 'recording' sign.

I just farted and nearly shit myself. Is it normal to be that afraid of farts?

Real men don't wear pink, they eat it.

 

[BlackDragon37]

'Say no to rape'

Not the best anti-rape compaign banner I've seen.

 

[BlackDragon37]

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. When the bulb goes, they just replace the house.

 

[KingWithNoKrown]

chuck norris

 

[BlackDragon37]

Since my wife died, leaving our teenage daughter and I behind, I've found that routine can help to cope with the loss.

For example, every night, I pour myself a glass of wine and pop my head round the lounge door and say to my daughter, "Night night. I'm off to bed."

I then walk up the stairs and straight into her bedroom, taking a seat in the corner.

Ten minutes later, she makes her way upstairs and into her room. She strips off, gets comfortable on her bed, and masturbates herself to a quiet but intense orgasm. She then rolls over and falls asleep.

I finish off my wine, and slowly creep out of the room, so that she doesn't wake up.

I then take my glass downstairs and wash it in the kitchen sink, feed my daughter's guide dog, and go to bed.