Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

Spoiler: Too soon

Isn't it ironic, a little less Glee, brings a lot more happiness.
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After hearing about Glee star Cory Montieth's death of a suspected drugs overdose, it's such a tragedy.

That the rest of the cast wasn't there.

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Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed?

Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi?

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

 

[BlackDragon37]

I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week.

He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
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I've noticed that if I pull my bum cheeks apart and stick my thumb up my anus...

...my girlfriend leaves the restaurant in tears.
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Double sprint world champion Tyson Gay has tested positive for a substance he could not identify and is pulling out of next month's world championships in Moscow.

To be fair, he's not the first gay to test positive and have to pull out before it's too late.
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The very best definition of irony?

George Zimmerman is afraid to leave home, as he is worried someone might take the law into their own hands.
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I don't understand all this controversy over the Zimmerman case. People complaining that if Trayvon Martin was white then Zimmerman would have been found guilty. It's all bullshit.

If Martin was white, Zimmerman wouldn't have had to shoot him in the first place.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I don't think it's fair that Babestation are only allowed to show boobs late at night, but BBC Parliament are allowed to show cunts all day.
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Prince Harry is off to the South Pole in an event called "Walking with the Wounded".

I'm sure his father will be proud of him, as will Prince Charles.
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My wife came to me weeping last night, saying that she could never live up to the girls in my porn mags.

I took her in my arms and made sweet love to her.

Then when I was finished, I shoved her under the bed.

 

[BlackDragon37]

Being white has its disadvantages too, you know.

It can be super hard to find a rap song on iTunes when you spell all the words correctly.
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Scientists claim that the reason dolphins like to swim with humans is because it sexually arouses them.

Which raises an interesting question - what do dolphins find so damn sexy about kids with Down's Syndrome?
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"I think it's a total disgrace that Muirfield was awarded this years British Open," I said to new girl in work. "In this day and age, not to allow female members makes it our equivalent of the Taliban not allowing young girls into the education system. Total bloody disgrace."

Amazing the bullshit you can spout when you want to shag someone.