Jokes thread

My wife told me she was like a fine wine that got better as it aged.

So I locked her in the cellar.

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Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween.

I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
 
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If a Jew cuts an Arab's throat is it Kosher or Halal?
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The Ku Klux Klan.

Worth joining just to find out the name of the brilliant washing powder they use.
 
Did you know you are supposed to pull anal beads out slowly?

I didn't... I started the wife up like a fucking chainsaw.
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Rolf Harris will soon be learning another instrument:

The big black digeridoo.
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I took the wife out earlier.

One punch!
 
Independence day, the day Britain told America to fuck off.
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I'm guessing the judge at Rolf Harris's sentencing has a sense of humour then?

69 months.
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The Catholics have got it all wrong. Of course God wants us to use contraception.

That's why he invented anal.
 
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