Jokes thread

My son was helping me clear out my loft when he asked, "Do you have a favourite ghetto blaster?"

I replied, "Hurricane Katrina."
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If the male soul had calories, women would probably stop devouring them.
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You've got to feel sorry for Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce.

The one minute, spending a life of lavish luxury, not really wanting for anything, all at the taxpayers expense...

...the next minute, they'll be back out of prison.
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Scientists say that the universe is made up of electrons, protons and neutrons.

How could they forget to mention morons?
 
Pope Benedict resigned, saying that at 85 he didn't have the strength or energy to carry out his duties.

A few months ago, at 87, Hugh Hefner married his 26 year old girlfriend.

Doesn't say much for a life of celibacy, does it?
 
[UK]

Comic Relief is 25 years old.

It's always a bit embarrassing when a charity outlives the people it's trying to help.
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I decided I would donate a fiver for every time Lenny Henry made me laugh on Comic Relief.

So far, the cunt owes me a hundred quid.
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Watching Comic Relief made me feel sorry for those poor uneducated kids...

... too thick to realise One Direction are a meaningless pile of shit.
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My mate is doing a sponsored bungee jump, to raise funds for a suicide prevention charity.

It's a bit like the one his brother did last year, except he didn't bother with a rope.

[/UK]
 
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