Jokes thread

Pornhub has pledged to plant a new tree for every hundred videos watched.

The amount of tissue paper I get through, I'm still not sure that's environmentally sustainable.
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In an effort to prove he's not racist, Jeremy Clarkson has announced there will be more black people on Top Gear in future starting with a new "mystery driver"

"The Nig" makes his debut this summer.
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Eenie Meenie Miney Moe...

Catch a straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual man, woman or transgender individual of various race, religion and/or creed by the toe in an ecologically sustainable manner whilst taking care not to infringe on their human rights or impose cultural or economic stereotypes on said personage.
 
I always bring a condom with me on a night out.

Unfortunately it's always the same one.
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A man has been killed at a football match at the Arruda Stadium in Brazil between Recife and Santa Cruz, when a man ripped a toilet bowl out and threw it into the crowd where there were fights between rival supporters going on.

You could say the shit has hit the fan.
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The Guardian: Most people believe Ukip contains racists, poll finds.

Well duh, that's why we're voting for them.
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All these immigrants should learnt to talk proper England like what we does.
 
Trojan is a horrible name for a condom.

Why name a condom after something that, after penetrating the wall, broke open to let dozens of little guys pour out and fuck things up for everyone?

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If today was 'May the 4th be With You',

does that make tomorrow 'Revenge of the 5th'?

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The creator of the Cronut has introduced a new dessert called the "Waffagato" which is vanilla gelato in the shape of a waffle covered in maple syrup expresso.

Its perfect for staying alert while the nurse explains how your insulin pump works.

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