Jokes thread

"What do we want?"

"Hearing aids!"

"When do we want them?"

"Hearing aids!"
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Tulisa's in trouble for dealing cocaine.

That's another blow job she's crap at.
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As I was preparing to make love with my wife, I got off the bed, took a condom and went to my own room.

"Where are you going?" my wife asked, as she took off her knickers.

"To watch porn in my room," I replied.

"We are about to have sex now. Why do you need to watch porn?" she asked.

"Well, to wear the condom," I said, "I need an erection."
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Little Johnny is sat in class.

"Johnny" his teacher says, "If it takes your dad 7 minutes to walk to the shop, what is the combined time it takes him to get there and back?"

"Judging by last time" Johnny replied, "4 years and counting."
 
Homosexuality is a sin!

And Jesus died for our sins, so go right ahead and gay it up.
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If you get nervous on your first day as an erotic photographer, just picture them naked.
 
This morning driving into work, I saw this chick driving like a fuckin moron. Turns out she was texting and driving. So I got pissed at her, rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
 
Whats better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?

Not being fuckin retarded in the first place.

@Kornball...save me a hot rock in hell with you. We'll play calibur and shit.
 
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