Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me. "Well?" she said, "I've lost a stone, can you see a difference?"

I picked up a pebble and tossed it in the ocean. "The beach has lost a stone," I said. "Can you see a difference?"

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As an unemployed paedophile I don't know where to send my CV...

The Vatican or the BBC?

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I can usually judge how attractive a woman is by how many times my wife calls her a whore.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

My girlfriend keeps telling me that I spend too much time on SCV rather than with her. The other day she asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with an xbox.

Be careful with this one. :p
http://screen.yahoo.com/kaboom-xbox-000000410.html

 

[OneManjiArmy]

A man walks into a zoo. It was a dog zoo. There was only one dog.

It was a shitzu.

 

[BlackDragon37]

Who visits millions of African children at Christmas while they are sleeping?

Death.

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My wife came home from work smiling from ear to ear. She had explained to me that 2 indian gentlemen had bowed and held the door open for her as she was leaving like she was some kind of royalty.

What she fails to realise, is that they see cows as sacred animals.

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My daughter has decided to do hair and beauty when she leaves school.

Basically she's thick as fuck.

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This guy told me he is the fastest cross dresser in the world.

I said, "Really?"

She said, "Yes."

 

[Mitalius]

You all remind me of Monday, becuz no one likes yall.