Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

I can't wait to miss the next season of X Factor.
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Driving is a lot like sex.

If everyone was as good at it as they thought they were, there wouldn't be as many accidents.
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If the camera adds ten pounds, do African children even exist in real life?
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On April 24 2012 John Terry was sent off at the Nou Camp.

Nine months later, Shakira's son is born.

 

[BlackDragon37]

'US army allows women to serve on the frontline'.

Well, a bloke's got to eat hasn't he?

 

[BlackDragon37]

Had an accident?

Not your fault?

You're obviously a woman.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I went to see Les Miserables.

I came out More Miserables.
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From now on I'm only going to buy that fancy water with healthy additives.

Like this one here. It's got hops, yeast and malted barley in it.

 

[BlackDragon37]

What separates men from animals?

Divorce.
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So Imogen Thomas is having her baby by caesarean section.

She would've had it naturally, but there's always a cock blocking the baby's exit.
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To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present...

They are due back at the library today.