People are too soft these days. The other day I was telling a few "Yo Mama" jokes when suddenly I started getting called an insensitive bastard.
That's the last time I ever visit an orphanage.
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I just saw two homeless men hitting each other with cardboard.
Does that count as a pillow fight?
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While checking my fishing holes along the river this morning I was a Muslim extremist fall into the river. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was a Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn't get help they'd surely drown. Being a responsible citizen and abiding by the law to help those in distress I informed the police and rescue squad of their predicament.
It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded. I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.
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The other day my teacher pointed a ruler at me and said "At the end of this ruler is an idiot!"
Now I have detention for telling him he was holding it backwards.
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Me: Hey Mom, how do you feel about abortion?
Mom: I don't know, why don't you ask your sister?
Me: But I don't have a siss......
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A two seater plane has crashed into a cemetary.
Authorities have found over 500 bodies and are still digging for more.
