Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses.

I just spent an hour wondering what the fuck he was protecting his eyes from.
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I was wondering why young children always point at planes with their mouths open.

Then I realised it's because they are probably expecting food...
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Buying a lasagne in Britain is a lot like trying to pick out a prostitute in Thailand.

You know some of them are going to contain some unwanted meat.
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Less than 1 month without a pope and we've already cured HIV.
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In honour of the passing of Hugo Chavez, I have had his initials inscribed onto my bathroom taps.
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The Catholic Church doesn't believe in sex before marriage.

Sex before puberty, however...

 

[BlackDragon37]

I was reading in the Daily Mail about how Britain will be flooded with Romanian immigrants next year, who are notorious for benefit scrounging and anti-social behaviour.

Who says immigrants don't integrate well?
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Alcoholics don't run in my family, they stumble around breaking stuff.
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I heard the Queen's got diarrhoea

Nobody will have seen royal skidmarks as bad as this since that tunnel in Paris.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

Did you hear about the Mexican child that was abducted by a pedophile?

Talk about Alien vs. Predator.

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Drug addicts really do make horrible drivers.

They can never stay off the white lines.

 

[BlackDragon37]

"Well I know someone who's not getting a Mother's day card!" I shouted.

As I walked out of the abortion clinic.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I don't see why the press are making such a big deal about Justin Bieber's recent meltdown. Taking forever to show up when expected, having fits of rage at people, just your typical teenage girl.
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Chris Huhne and his ex-wife Vicky Pryce have just been sentenced to 8 months each today for perverting the course of justice.

Chris was seen asking his ex-wife immediately afterwards if she would do his sentence for him.