Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
After performing an ultrasound scan, the doctor tells the expecting mother:
"I have some good news, and I have some bad news..."
He pauses for a reaction, than continues.
"The good news is that your child will never have a problem finding a parking spot."
---
How do you console somebody with bad grammar skills?
There, their, they're.
---
'Diana film slammed by the British press'
Just like the real Diana.
---
Sat at the tea table, the little girl says "Dad, why am I called Chiquita?"
"Well," he starts, "It means "little gift". We only thought we'd have one child and you were our gift to the world."
"Dad," asks his other daughter, "why am I called Daniella?"
"Well," he sighs, "It means "miracle". We were only going to have one child but then you came along."
"Dad?" asks his third.
"Shut up, Tippex."
---
I met a beautiful girl and we were getting on great until I asked her out for a drink and she stormed off.
I'm beginning to think that every woman you meet at AA is a lesbian.
"I have some good news, and I have some bad news..."
He pauses for a reaction, than continues.
"The good news is that your child will never have a problem finding a parking spot."
---
How do you console somebody with bad grammar skills?
There, their, they're.
---
'Diana film slammed by the British press'
Just like the real Diana.
---
Sat at the tea table, the little girl says "Dad, why am I called Chiquita?"
"Well," he starts, "It means "little gift". We only thought we'd have one child and you were our gift to the world."
"Dad," asks his other daughter, "why am I called Daniella?"
"Well," he sighs, "It means "miracle". We were only going to have one child but then you came along."
"Dad?" asks his third.
"Shut up, Tippex."
---
I met a beautiful girl and we were getting on great until I asked her out for a drink and she stormed off.
I'm beginning to think that every woman you meet at AA is a lesbian.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Who led the Jews through a semi-permeable membrane?
Osmoses.
---
There's a special place in my heart for deoxygenated blood.
---
Finally, after 2,000 years of conflict, Israel and Syria finally agree on something:
Poison gas works.
---
A Muslim, a Christian and a Jew walked into a bar.
So I got the fuck outta there quick!
Osmoses.
---
There's a special place in my heart for deoxygenated blood.
---
Finally, after 2,000 years of conflict, Israel and Syria finally agree on something:
Poison gas works.
---
A Muslim, a Christian and a Jew walked into a bar.
So I got the fuck outta there quick!
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Australia have just had a general election. The main concern is about the number of illegal immigrants there are.
Government sources suggest around 60,000.
Aboriginal sources say it's more like twenty two and a half million of the cunts.
---
In an attempt to kill two birds with one stone, David Cameron announces that the RAF will commence dropping badgers on Syria from tomorrow.
---
Everybody hates me because I'm bisexual.
Fuck 'em all.
---
English literature GCSE multiple choice exam:
Q1: "To be or not to..."
1: A
2: B
3: C
Government sources suggest around 60,000.
Aboriginal sources say it's more like twenty two and a half million of the cunts.
---
In an attempt to kill two birds with one stone, David Cameron announces that the RAF will commence dropping badgers on Syria from tomorrow.
---
Everybody hates me because I'm bisexual.
Fuck 'em all.
---
English literature GCSE multiple choice exam:
Q1: "To be or not to..."
1: A
2: B
3: C
