Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

I love my job as an anaesthetist.

Just as my patient is about to go under, I love to call them by the wrong name and tell them not to worry your vasectomy will be over shortly.
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My new girlfriend asked me to over to her flat for the first time so that she could show off her cooking skills. When she asked me if there was anything in particular I wanted to eat, I jokingly replied "Your pussy."

Sadly, I had forgotten two things:

1. She doesn't have a sense of humour.

2. She's Korean.
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If you use sarcasm with an American, they'll be confused for a day.

If you explain sarcasm to an American, they'll be confused for a lifetime.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I was disappointed when I met Whoopi Goldberg.

I sat on her and she didn't fart.
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Women on juries.

They'll lock a man up for life for stealing their money.

But they'll release a man from child rape charges so they can see if Kevin Webster and Sally can make it!
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"Apple iPhone 5C - For The Colourful".

White people can afford the 5S.
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Spoiler: Too soon

I don't know why Americans make such a big fuss over 9/11.

It's not as if it was their idea.

 

[The Landslide]

Holy shit BlackDragon haha

I just re-read some of this thread and it's too much.

 

[BlackDragon37]

The iPhone 5C.

Named after the hourly pay rate of its assemblers.
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Bestiality is okay for religious people because they're fucking sheep anyway.
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I walked into a shop today and asked the woman behind the counter, "Do you have any cameras?"

"No," she replied.

I said, "Good, open the fucking till."

 

[K0rN_b4LL]