Jokes thread

[K0rN_b4LL]

Why do orphans make terrible baseball players?

They don't know where home is.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

There was once a pregnant lady at a bank. There was a robbery and the lady was shot 3 times in the stomach. When at the hospital she asked the doctor "Doctor will my triplets be ok?" The doctor said "Yes but when they are 15 the bullets will leave their bodies."

15 years later-

Daughter #1: "Mom! I was pooping and a bullet came out!"
Mom: "Ok, sorry it happened." (Told her the story)

A little later-

Daughter #2: "Mom! I was peeing and I farted and a bullet fell into the toilet!"
Mom: "Ok!" (Told her the story)

A little later-

Son: "Uhhhhh....Mom?"
Mom: "Let me guess, you were pooping and a bullet came out?"
Son: "I was masturbating and I shot the dog."

 

[BlackDragon37]

The word for whore in Spanish is 'puta', in Italian it's 'puttana' and in French it's 'putain'.

I don't know what the word is in Russian, but I have my suspicions.

 

[Robert_J_King]

Q: Why is the judge in the Chris Brown case insisting Chris work at a Red Lobster?

A: So he can learn how to batter fish instead of women!

 

[BlackDragon37]

What's the worst thing about having Ozzy Osbourne as a father?

It means there's a good chance you're Jack or Kelly.
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There is speculation that the NSA even spied on the Pope.

Presumably to determine once and for all whether he is in fact a Catholic.