Jokes thread

A seven year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
 
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communication issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we're not as connected as she'd like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and was tired after a long day of work.

So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
---

The England players are saying they need to play less football.

They did. In the World Cup.
---

If everyone used the Suarez excuse:

Zidane: "I fell into Materazzi."

Cantona: "I slipped into a fan."

Giggs & Terry: "I fell into your wife."
---

I asked my date last night, "What's your favourite flavour of ice-cream?"

She said, "They're all the same to me. I lost my sense of taste years ago, when I fell over and hit my head at a Coldplay concert."

I replied, "Coldplay? Are you sure you had a sense of taste to begin with?"
---

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.

"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

"Salad tastes nice."
---

I can't tell the difference between Lynx deodorants, they're all the same to me.

They should rename them Chynx.
 
anYm6Vz_700b.jpg
-
 
Looks like KFC are going to have to find a new logo.
---

"Haha! I'm fucking ROFL!"

Said Mr Harris' dyslexic cell mate.
---

The latest household name to be convicted under Operation Yewtree will probably get a token 2 or 3 year prison sentence.

Is this what has become of justice in this country? In the good old days they'd have stuck him on the next boat to Australia.
---

I find all these obese jokes horrible.

Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
 
Rolf Harris was Australia's Under-18 backstroke champion in the 1940s.

By the 1970s he had moved on to the Under-14 breaststroke.
 
Back
Top