Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

A news report says that paedophiles are to be educated to control their urges.

What a brilliant idea, send paedophiles to school.
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How to fall downstairs.

Step 1

Step 6

Step 8,9,10,11.
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At 5.5", the new iPhone will be bigger than the dicks of 50% of the men who own one.
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A man goes into a library and doesn't ask for a book. Instead he uses his own eyes and common sense.

This places no burden on the librarian, who subsequently has no need to say anything.

 

[BlackDragon37]

So,it looks like Oscar Pistorius is going to get away with murder.That's very disturbing news..

For my wife,who's just gone for a piss.
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As I finished raping the woman in the ticket kiosk, she sobbed: "Why me? Why me?"

Wordlessly, I reached into my trouser pocket and handed her the coupon which read: "One free adult entry"

How we both laughed.
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Racial profiling:

Separating white from wrong.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I don't know why people keep getting worked up about immigration...

All my neighbours are English.
All the kids in the local school are English.
All the local shops are owned and run by English people.

I love it here in Spain.
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News: New iPhone 6 screen won't crack or scratch as easily.

Or as my kids put it, "Challenge accepted."
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How many Daily Mail readers does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but 300 people will comment claiming they know better or blaming it on immigrants.
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Some universities have Women Studies, but no Men Studies. That's pretty sexist, but then I realised we do have Men Studies.

It's called History.

 

[Nyte]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I like dating black girls. Because I don't have to meet their dads.
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Katie price has called her baby Bunny.

Nice bit of meat to go with the vegetable that she already has.
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Bunny?

I thought they came out of a wizard's hat, not a wizard's sleeve.
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Doctor doctor, I'm suffering from premature ejaculation.

Well, don't come in here.
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What do you call four priests and a paedophile?

Five paedophiles.
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"Phones4U" is changing its name to "P45s4US".
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If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible.

But if you do that with your girlfriend, it's called "cheating".