Jokes thread

So the media says GTA V will cause players to commit crime.

Bullshit, I've got the Coronation Street board game and I'm not a paedophile.
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Barack Obama has called the victims of Monday's mass shooting in Washington 'patriots'.

I agree. You can't get much more American than being shot for nothing.
 
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My boss' coffee was so hot, I think I burnt my dick.
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Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, "lung disease caused by the inhalation of very fine sand and ash dust".

Yeah. Great, nice short words for someone who can hardly fucking breathe.
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A latest study from Oxford University says that one out of ten deaths are caused by red meat.

Which is fucking scary.

Because it means that nine out of ten people are killed by vegetables.
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"Three male teenagers arrested after man stabbed & robbed of 'Grand Theft Auto V' less than two hours after buying game".

Elsewhere a blue hedgehog was arrested after stealing rings from a jewellers.
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I bet my wife if she fell into the Grand Canyon she'd get stuck.

She didn't get stuck but I still won.
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I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis.

So far it's got 3 Reichs on Facebook.
 
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