Jokes thread

Looks like Paul Walker has taken Heath Ledger's advice on how to get an Academy Award.
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Paul Walker has died in a car crash, leaving a void in his 14 year old daughters life.

Ian Watkins believes he can fill the gap.
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What's the difference between, the Scottish police, Paul Walker, A train in the Bronx and my computer.

When my computer crashes there's a chance of a recovery.
 
Dappy was recently hospitalised after being kicked in the head by a horse.

Music industry leaders are considering giving the 'Outstanding Contribution to Music' award to the horse.
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Well... Opened the 2nd door of my advent calendar this morning.

Wasn't expecting Tom Daley to come out.
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Where can I book one of those helicopter rides that drop you off at the pub?
 
So the Scottish Government are asking the UK what help they will be giving victims of the Glasgow helicopter crash.

Personally, I'd give them none.

There's your fucking independence for you.
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Following Tom Daley admitting he's gay, rumours are rife that his boyfriend is a fellow Olympian.

My money's on Fatima Whitbread.
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I'd say the current government represents my interests very well.

But then, I am a greedy selfish cunt.
 
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Girl comes into the pub with half her tits showing, I look at them, I'm the pervert...

I walk into the pub with half my cock showing... Girl looks at it... I'm still the pervert?
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1980s: Pac-Man - a bunch of pale white idiots with no personality and names like Pinky and Binky relentlessly pursue a guy who eats lots of pills and has no personality.

2013: Made in Chelsea.
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Nice to see Paul Walker really getting into the Christmas spirit.

He's currently decorating a tree.
 
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