Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

Considering the damage Thatcher did to the British steel industry, I'm surprised she could find a fucking bucket to kick.
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I hear the coal miners are celebrating Thatcher's death tonight.

Enjoy the party lads. You haven't got work in the morning.
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Why are they considering a State funeral for Thatcher? Surely it should be privatised?
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R.I.P. Margaret Thatcher.

A woman who did more damage to Scotland than alcohol and the deep-frying process combined.
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David Cameron has just sent his official letter to the Thatcher residence.

It starts, "I regret to inform you that due to recent events, you now have too many bedrooms..."
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"There's no such thing as society." - Margaret Thatcher, 1988.

"There's no such thing as Margaret Thatcher." - Society 2013.

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Margaret Thatcher's final wish was to be cremated.

Unfortunately, we've no coal left.
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Upon hearing the news of Thatcher's death, Iain Duncan Smith has commented that he would've survived the stroke.
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April 2013 - Margaret Thatcher dies.

May 2013 - Hell privatised.
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So we've had an Argentinian Pope for 2 weeks, and Margaret Thatcher dies.

Coincidence?

 

[BlackDragon37]

What's the very first thing you should do when you lose your iPhone?

Log on to Facebook from your laptop and fucking moan about it.
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"Dad, is it true you suck cock and take it up the arse?"

"Who on earth has told you that, son?"

"Elton. My other dad."
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North Korea has postponed the launch of its first rocket.

No one could find the matches.

 

[BlackDragon37]

So North Korea have declared that they plan on invading Japan.

I personally wish them the best of luck with storming Takeshi's Castle.
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Princess Diana died on the 31 August 1997 having been staying at the Ritz, Paris.

Thatcher dies April 8, 2013 having been staying at the Ritz, London.

I've been saying it's a conspiracy for years but everyone else thinks it's just crackers.
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I bet John Lennon would have loved online transactions.

Imagine all the PayPal...
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Police are searching the internet for any specific threat to Margaret Thatcher's funeral.

Fucking lazy bastards, think of your own ideas.
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How do you cook 6 children?

In a Philpott.

 

[BlackDragon37]

When a girl says she has experimented with girls, that does not necessarily mean she's bi.

She may just be an evil scientist.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I'm not saying not to trust the Internet, but there's an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I've won, and the number of iPads I own.
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In the film The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, when the evil witch died, eternal winter ended and summer started.

This weekend's weather is going to be 20 degrees Celsius.

Coincidence?
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One Direction's Niall Horan has admitted in an interview that he is quite claustrophobic.

Respect is due for managing to stay in the closet.
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After Margaret Thatcher's funeral, you will be able to download Tony Blair's eulogy to her from the BBC iPlayer.

Just look for it under 'The Blair/Witch Project'.