Jokes thread

[Tenchi8]

In the military, they don't allow women to parachute behind enemy lines without wearing a tampon. so they won't whistle when they fall. XD

 

[BlackDragon37]

The BBC are thrilled with the figures for The Great British Bake-Off - 9.1 million.

3 Million more than The Great German Bake-Off.

 

[BlackDragon37]

"There should be a law against how good you make me feel."

"There is, daddy."

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

I spent a couple hours defrosting the fridge last night.

Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

 

[BlackDragon37]

Hurricane in the US: Board up the windows, get the sandbags in place, stock up on supplies, hide in the cellar and pray for salvation.

Hurricane in the UK: Ooh, better bring in the washing off the line.
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My neighbour is such a snob.

I woke up this morning, looked out of the window and saw him showing off his new 30ft Christmas tree that he had on the roof of his car.
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Look on the bright side. At least 'leaves on the line' is an acceptable excuse for cancelling trains when they are still attached to the trees.