Jokes thread

[K0rN_b4LL]

You call it rape,

I call it "strangers-with-benefits."

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A push-up bra is like a bag of potato chips.

Once you open it it's half empty.

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I find it sexist that when a woman sleeps with a bunch of guys she is called a "slut."

But when a guy does it he is "gay."

 

[BlackDragon37]

A recent study suggests eating bacon can lower a man's chances of getting a woman pregnant.

Talk about a win-win.

 

[BlackDragon37]

My wife recently told me whenever we have sex she closes her eyes and pretends I'm Johnny Depp.

So this morning I fingered her with a pair of scissors.
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I was out food shopping with the family.

"Is there anything else we need?" I asked my wife.

"Nutella" she replied.

I ended up breaking my daughter's nose.
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What would you call Christopher Walken in a wheelchair?

Christopher.

 

[BlackDragon37]

"I'm going to fuck you over!' means two completely different things, depending on whether you're talking face to face, or on a walkie-talkie.
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What do you get if you hold a twenty pound note between your chin and your chest?

A good impression of Stephen Hawking at a strip club.
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Which drug has been clinically proven to help reduce the number of instances of armed robbery?

Thalidomide.
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I don't care how anti-racist you are - the minute your daughter brings home a black guy he becomes a nigger.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

When three people have sex its a threesome.

When two people have sex its a twosome.

And that's why everybody calls me handsome.