Jokes thread

UK-Jordan treaty to make deportation of Abu Qatada possible.

They must be smuggling him through customs in her vagina.
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The George W. Bush Library opened today in Dallas, Texas.

Expect the Ray Charles Art Gallery any day now.
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The White House has said that there is growing evidence that the Syrian government has used chemical weapons.

After carrying out a review of Syria's oil reserves.
 
Hugh Hefner is famous for bedding women younger than him.

To be fair, he doesn't have a choice these days.
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Why did the chicken cross the M62?

To get to the hen party.
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I just read the Bible cover to cover in 15 minutes.

I did skip all the bullshit though.
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For my pals who think they have OCD: I have a drawer that's not quite shut.

For my pals with trust issues: I may be lying about that drawer.
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I was watching the Dyslexic News Channel earlier.

Apparently, North Korea are making unclear threats to the US.
 
"Sorry, I'm sweating like a nigger on a rape charge."

"That's not a problem. Would you like me to ask you the question again?"

"Yes please."

"To the charges regarding racism in the workplace, do you plead guilty, or not guilty?"
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Despite Robin van Persie netting 25 times for United this season, he's still only the 3rd best attacker in Manchester, behind Ken Barlow & Kevin Webster.
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I don't think Anne Frank would have been a Justin Beiber fan.

The fact that millions of people are following an idiot is the reason she was hiding in an attic in the first place.
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It's been a hot day today.

I've been sweating like a Coronation Street script editor.
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Unfortunately my wife's going to need a few teeth taking out.

Judging by the quality of my fucking tea.
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Apparently Jews' noses weren't always that big.

Evolution wanted to make sure next time they can smell the difference between water and gas.
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With all these celebrities getting arrested for child molestation, it almost makes me wonder if Gary Glitter did have a gang.
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Whoever invented the word 'Hot Surface' in Braille was an evil genius.
 
So there's this camel, right? And it walks into a grocery store, walks up to the counter, and there's this lady-bitch there. the camel says "Hey Lady-Bitch! Where all the p'tatoes at?"
Lady-Bitch says "Aisle Fiiive."
So the camel goes over to aisle five, and guess what?
There ain't no p'tatoes.
 
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