Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

Noah: A boat?

God: Yes.

Noah: Two of every animal?

God: Yes.

Noah: I have a better idea.

God: What?

Noah: Maybe don't kill everyone.
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"It's going to be one of those days," I thought, as I stared at the calender.

 

[Pyrrus]

what happens when you get hurt watching anime?

you get a weabooboo

(i thought it was funny ._.)

 

[BlackDragon37]

'Katie Price gives birth to an eight week premature baby'.

It says a lot about the state of your vagina when even your own baby can't wait to get the fuck outta there.
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Every doctors' surgery should have a poster of Stephen Hawking.

Underneath it should be the logo:

"This man is not too disabled to work."

 

[BlackDragon37]

What's the difference between monogamy and monotony?

Fuck all.
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Oscar Pistorius' trial begins today. Break an arm buddy!
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Made in America stickers are made in China.

 

[BlackDragon37]

In a strongly worded statement the UN warns Syrian president Bashar al-Assad - if you use chemical weapons again, we will be forced to hold another meeting.
---

I've just seen a girl choking on a cocktail sausage.

I went over to introduce myself.
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John Lennon said The Beatles were bigger than Jesus and some Christian shot him dead.

All we need to do is spread the rumour that One Direction said they were bigger than Mohammad and the problem should solve itself.
---

'Terminally ill man loses right to die court battle'

He may have lost the battle but something tells me he'll eventually win the war.