Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

Thanks to Orlando Bloom for finally giving the world a Justin Bieber hit we can all enjoy.
---

Orlando Bloom punched Justin Bieber.

Bieber was stunned.

He thought a fist was only for his arse.
---

I was sticking my hand up in the air with one finger raised,when the cab pulled over.

"Where are you headed?" he asked.

"Liverpool street."I said.

"Jump in," he said.

"Do you accept Oyster mate? I asked.

"Since when do cabs accept oyster cards you idiot," he said, clearly annoyed.

"Exactly," I replied, "So fuck off so the bus behind you can pull in."
---

Shame on Orlando Bloom for punching Justin Bieber.

No matter what the circumstances are, it is never acceptable for a man to hit a woman.
---

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night.

I wanted my first time to be special.

 

[BlackDragon37]

What's the difference between Ebola and Tulisa?

Ebola will finish you off.
---

The judge in the Bernie Ecclestone trial has homes in New York, Beverley Hills and Monaco.

Now.

 

[BlackDragon37]

So the President of Nigeria wants to contain the spread of the Ebola virus.

Goodluck Jonathan.
---

How do you find a nigger?

Guilty.
---

I ejaculated six feet earlier.

Strange, I usually ejaculate semen.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I'm not going to make any cheap, boxing/sex change puns about Boxing promoter Frank Maloney's gender reassignment.

That'd be below the belt.
---

My hoover doesn't suck as well as it used to.

It must have got married.
---

I'm surprised that Katie Price's vagina hasn't been featured on George Clarke's amazing spaces.

 

[BlackDragon37]

The Family Guy episode where Peter can turn people into Robin Williams was on an hour before Robin Williams was found dead.

Here's hoping the Justin Bieber episode is on tomorrow.
---

So if in 2040 Robin Williams suddenly reappears again, we know he was just trapped in a board game the whole time.
---

How to start an argument online:

1. Express an opinion.

2. Wait.