Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

I decided to dress up as Maddie for the Halloween party.

To make it more realistic, I didn't go.
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I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job."

"Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?"

"Do you want a hand job?"

She's a keeper.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

The U.S. Border Patrol

They put the 'Panic' in Hispanic

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Spongebob Squarepants will begin airing in China.

Now millions of factory workers will finally know what the hell they are making.

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[Donutman]

 

[Alex.J]

FUNNIEST JOKE IN THE WHOLE THREAD.

 

[BlackDragon37]

My girlfriend was born on 29th February of a leap year, so I sound like a pervert when I tell people how many actual 'birthdays' she's had:

Two.
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I fucking hate going clothes shopping with my wife.

It's so embarrassing when she goes to the fitting room and doesn't.
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Toy manufacturers really do make their dolls realistic these days.

I picked one up in a toy store, shook it, and it screamed for about twenty minutes.
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The girlfriend's just had her teeth whitened.

Although, to be honest, most of it landed on her chin.
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So Jessica Ennis will ask for her name to be removed from Sheffield United's stand if they re-sign Ched Evans.

I'm going to propose renaming it "The Ched Evans One Night Stand".