Jokes thread

A conversation between Tony Romo and his son.

Son: "Dad, what is a Super Bowl?"

Romo: "I don't know son, I play for the Cowboys."

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Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.

Everyone looks at you in disgust but deep down inside they really want some too.
 
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Sweet dreams are made of cheese...

Who am I to dis a Brie?
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A Saudi sheikh has warned that women shouldn't drive because it damages their ovaries and pelvis.

I say women shouldn't drive because it damages other motorists, pedestrians and street fittings.
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Chocolate bars.

Because the black community need somewhere to drink socially.
 
When I was a teenager my mum always used to say that my room was so messy that I'd never get any 'self respecting girl' to go in there.

Luckily those weren't the girls I was after.
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I just dropped my glasses down the toilet. Now I can't see for shit.
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I was in a sex shop the other day when I saw a dildo that was described as 9 inches long and realistic.

I thought to myself: Well, which one is it?
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The US Government has shut down.

A lot of people are asking: How will America get by without an effective government?

Same as they did yesterday, I guess.
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I don't think any less of my daughter for being a lesbian.

In fact, I probably think of her more.
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"Everyone wants to be accepted and liked, except for me, I don't give a flying fuck." posted my girlfriend on Facebook.

As she stared unblinkingly at the screen waiting for someone to 'like' it.
 
America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)
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There are times when I ask myself why I'm throwing my life away.

But then I cheer myself up by watching funny cat videos on the internet.
 
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