Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
If electricity always follows the path of least resistance, why doesn't lightning only strike in France?
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As a homophobic, racist, paedophile I can safely say...
Nothing.
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After losing her negligence trial, AEG have as a measure of goodwill agreed to pay Catherine Jackson the sum of $6200.
It's not enough to put Michael's children through college but she will be able to afford a herd of cows.
That will give her something to milk for the foreseeable future.
---
As a homophobic, racist, paedophile I can safely say...
Nothing.
---
After losing her negligence trial, AEG have as a measure of goodwill agreed to pay Catherine Jackson the sum of $6200.
It's not enough to put Michael's children through college but she will be able to afford a herd of cows.
That will give her something to milk for the foreseeable future.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
So Sinead O'Connor wrote a letter to Miley Cyrus warning her not go off the rails.
She's also written a letter to JFK that says 'duck', and one to the employees of the World Trade Centre warning them not to go in on September 11.
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Two 14-year-old Muslim boys have been suspended from school in Accrington for refusing to shave off their beards.
The head teacher said, "We will not tolerate a school environment where it's impossible to tell the boys from the girls."
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I see Apple is working on new 3-D technology that can be seen without special glasses, but it's not ready yet.
So if you want to experience 3-D without having to wear 3-D glasses, try going outside and fucking looking at something.
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What's the worst thing about killing your wife?
It's a one-off.
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After hearing on the news about 4-year-old Hamzah Khan being starved to death by his own mother, I thought I had to do something about it.
So I made myself a sandwich. It's what he would have wanted.
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I've got a penis like a gun.
It's an oozy 9mm.
She's also written a letter to JFK that says 'duck', and one to the employees of the World Trade Centre warning them not to go in on September 11.
---
Two 14-year-old Muslim boys have been suspended from school in Accrington for refusing to shave off their beards.
The head teacher said, "We will not tolerate a school environment where it's impossible to tell the boys from the girls."
---
I see Apple is working on new 3-D technology that can be seen without special glasses, but it's not ready yet.
So if you want to experience 3-D without having to wear 3-D glasses, try going outside and fucking looking at something.
---
What's the worst thing about killing your wife?
It's a one-off.
---
After hearing on the news about 4-year-old Hamzah Khan being starved to death by his own mother, I thought I had to do something about it.
So I made myself a sandwich. It's what he would have wanted.
---
I've got a penis like a gun.
It's an oozy 9mm.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
The difference between 0 and 1 never seems like a lot unless you're working with binary or trying to set your computer volume when watching porn.
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I've got some great advice for women, on what to do if a man is just using you for sex.
Use him for sex at the same time and stop fucking moaning about it.
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Nothing's more frustrating than when a girl you're deeply attracted to tells you she thinks of you as a brother.
Unless she says it in a Norfolk accent.
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I wanted to test out religious tolerance in the UK, so first I stood outside a Church dressed as a Roman soldier and nobody cared.
Then I went to a synagogue dressed as Hitler, they were quite cross and told me to leave politely, but firmly.
And now, nine miles from my nearest Mosque, I'm having a Bacon sandw
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I've got some great advice for women, on what to do if a man is just using you for sex.
Use him for sex at the same time and stop fucking moaning about it.
---
Nothing's more frustrating than when a girl you're deeply attracted to tells you she thinks of you as a brother.
Unless she says it in a Norfolk accent.
---
I wanted to test out religious tolerance in the UK, so first I stood outside a Church dressed as a Roman soldier and nobody cared.
Then I went to a synagogue dressed as Hitler, they were quite cross and told me to leave politely, but firmly.
And now, nine miles from my nearest Mosque, I'm having a Bacon sandw
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
If there's one thing I've learnt from Formula 1 over the past 2 decades, it's the German national anthem.
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North Korea have agreed to suspend their nuclear programme.
They've seen an episode of 'The Only Way Is Essex' and decided our society's fucked without their intervention.
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My girlfriend and I were having an open discussion about sexual fantasies.
She said she was fine with anal but it made her want to shit...
Which led us to my next fantasy.
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You'd think the police would patrol this 'Knifepoint' place more carefully with all the rape that seems to go on there.
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North Korea have agreed to suspend their nuclear programme.
They've seen an episode of 'The Only Way Is Essex' and decided our society's fucked without their intervention.
---
My girlfriend and I were having an open discussion about sexual fantasies.
She said she was fine with anal but it made her want to shit...
Which led us to my next fantasy.
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You'd think the police would patrol this 'Knifepoint' place more carefully with all the rape that seems to go on there.