Jokes thread

Fair play to the guy who invented Copy & Paste.

Ironically an original idea.
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Insurance company "Sheila's Wheels" apparently wants pink coloured driving lanes for women only, because 114.190 men were involved in traffic accidents as opposed to 70,470 women.

By that logic, we should have separate lanes for drunk people because in only 17% of all traffic accidents, alcohol was involved.
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If anyone ever tells you they've lost their voice, they're lying.
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The word stifle is an anagram of itself.
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Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "Fuck" or "Fucking" 506 times.

That actually beats a record set by my dad in 2003, trying to put an Ikea chair together.
 
Dump a bucket of Starbucks iced coffee on yourself to raise awareness for the city girls who have lost the ability to "even".

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If I see one more girl create a profile for their unborn child, I will not hesitate to make a profile as a wire coat hanger and poke it.

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The CIA have nominated ISIS, Al-Qaeda and Boko Haram for the ASL Ice Bucket Challenge.

Or waterboarding, as it was once known.
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I see that doctor with Ebola has been released from hospital and is well again.

Didn't take them long to find a cure once a white guy got it.
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Don't put all my eggs in one basket?

Nice try, basket industry.
 
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