Jokes thread

[BlackDragon37]

Needless racist comments are what's keeping humans and white people from getting on with each other.
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I've just broken the sound barrier.

Or as the police called it, my wife's jaw.

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

There's a big difference between getting on the bus, getting off of the bus, and getting off on the bus.

At leat thats what the judge told me.

 

[BlackDragon37]

What's the difference between a tramp and an MP?

One sits about on a bench all day, usually falling asleep, enjoys long liquid lunches and contributes nothing to society.

The other's a tramp.
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Beats me how the wife can say her stomach is her worst feature.

She's obviously never licked a vagina that tastes of garlic.

 

[BlackDragon37]

Hans Riegel from Bonn founded HARIBO in 1920.

His only competitor was Valentine Gildermann from Narrenhausen.

Poor guy didn't have a fucking chance.

 

[BlackDragon37]

Having seen loads of girls on Facebook like the page "Any dick can make a baby, but it takes a real man to be a dad", I've made my own page -

"Any womb can make a baby, but it takes a real slag to pop out five kids by five blokes and live off benefits."
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Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women.

For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
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I think my new girlfriend's a slut.

I asked her if she preferred being on top or on the bottom during sex and she replied "In the middle."
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My gran said she can't remember the last time she had sex.

Phew.
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When I die I want my coffin to be made of onions.

My family don't love me very much.
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What do you call a Russian with Tourette's Syndrome?

Yukanol Fukov.